It's not the same, losing someone so young at the age of 20.

Things just seem so empty. I'm back to normal- at least I think so- and I'm functioning, making plans, getting stuff done- but at the back of my mind there's always that deep well of sadness. And I suppose that this is my way of coping- perhaps if I bury myself in work, I won't think about who's missing, who's supposed to be here on Earth, who's still supposed to be alive.

I'm alive, I'm hurting, and whoever said that pain tells you that you're alive, you obviously hadn't suffered enough. I'm just sad that a life could be cut so quickly. And looking at me, I guess you'd never know.

RIP Beng Khai. For all the times I complained about your immaturity, I do remember the times you made me laugh and the brief conversations we had with each other when I moved to the US. May your soul be at peace, wherever you are at now, and I do hope that you know that in many ways you've inspired me.