You know how some days, you just feel like you want to drift away? There are some days when all I want to do is sit on the cool grass in the shade and watch life go by at its frenetic pace. Just once, I would love to be the one to lean back and sip a glass of lemonade while the world courses by in its swift stream. 

The only problem with that scenario is my long history of self-doubt. If I just sit around and do nothing, if I just sit around and wait for something that usually never comes (in this case, serenity), I tend to doubt myself. Things like "You're not good enough, you haven't done anything worthwhile, you're just a waste of space" will begin to start replaying themselves over and over and over in my head. 

No matter how confident I am, no matter how much I've built myself up mentally, it will come crashing down eventually. Because that's just how human nature is, you know? "Things fall apart, the center cannot hold." What will be will be, and I am just structured to be flawed. And that's okay with me, as long as I don't dwell on it. Then I can take a deep breath and begin to live as I rush about madly filling up my time. That's just the way I am, that's just the way I'm destined to be. 

Course, pushing it away never helps, but who's really counting the details?

'reason why', rachel yamagata