I dreamed that he died last night. Fell on the tiled floor and cracked his head open. The doctors said that they couldn't save him; the blood lost was too much; the news came from a filtered source, someone who rushed breathlessly into school to utter it.

All I remember is classes being dismissed, and me sitting on the bleachers crying against my friend, who let me lean against him as I sobbed and heaved and cried my eyes out. And I remember other people gathering, like ravens to a funeral, murmuring inane things that made no sense, that seemed..hollow. It isn't fair, I muttered, and the tears kept going.

It felt so real.

What scares me is that the last time I had a dream about someone dying, or had a symbol of their death, I ended up being serious about that relationship, or crush, or whatever it was. It shouldn't scare me this time, because if there's any guy that a relationship should be serious with, it's this one. He's different, he stands out, he's a follower of Christ, a real one and not just the talkers.

What scares me is losing him. Which makes no sense since I don't even have him. And the best part is that he graduates in less than a year. If that's not losing him..I don't know what is.

Prove me wrong.

(but the tears flowed last night, and the pain still feels so real.)
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