i’m so tired these days. Tired of being nice. Tired of being caring. Tired of being understanding- because sometimes, it seems like it never gets me anywhere.

Want to know why I’m not as patient as she is? Because she does a better job of pretending that you don’t annoy her as much as you annoy me.

Want to know why I’m not as nice? Because I don’t do a very good job of pretending that I like you when I really don’t.

Want to know why I push myself so hard? Because I’m not gifted. In anything.

Want to know why sometimes I put everything aside to listen to you? Because I’m scared of being alone.

Want to know why I’m not good at anything? Because…. I don’t know yet. I’m not smart, because I push myself so far, further than the people who are naturally smart that way. I’m not good at tennis. I’m not even good at bowling- and that hurts, because that was the one thing I was depending on.

I just don’t know anymore. I’m breathing, but there’s no air.