So, I was at dinner just now, and we (family friends and me) were reminiscing about how I was like when I was younger.

Like, how I pulled Aunty Belinda's cat Max's tail and therefore, traumatized him so much he never came near me ever again. Even when I was older and wiser. And nicer.

Like how I used to slide down the stairs and then run up and do it again.
And thereofre exhausted poor Aunty Belinda who tried to keep up with me and couldn't.

And then it struck me that fifteen years have passed and the full enormity of it hasn't struck me till now.
I AM FIFTEEN YEARS OLD.

Next month, I'll be able to start applying for a drivers license. (can you guys imagine me driving? Hahahaha everybody better get out of the way or else!)
Next April, it's sweet sixteen.
In ten years, I'll be a quarter of a century old.
In twenty years I'll be thirty-five.
In thirty years I hope that I'd have settled down and have a nice comfortable life.
In forty years I'll be more than half a century old.
In fifty years I'll probably have white hair.
In sixty years I'll be really old.
In seventy years..
Will I even still be alive?

I can't envision myself as anything but the person I am today.
I can't even remember myself as a little kid anymore.
Makes me think about when I made the transition from innocent lil' kid (as Jonathan would say) to a *cough* more mature young lady.
Makes me wonder about what the future has for me.

I can't envision myself growing up and working in the business world.
I can't imagine myself not in school anymore.
I can't imagine having to change.

Change.
How I hate that word.
I don't want to change.
I cannot imagine any of my friends going off in their own different ways.
I know that it has to happen.
Change is inevitable.
I just hate the fact that it is.

I just don't want to leave the life we're living now.
Soon I'll be sixteen.
Then I'll be seventeen.
Then I'll hit eighteen and hit senior year.
After that, college.
After college, uni, maybe.
After that..
a job.
I don't even know what I want to do!

It just scares me that we all have to grow up and eventually, separate.
It scares me that there will be a point in time when I look back to this time and go, "Oh, when I was young..."
It scares me that perhaps one day, I'll look back at my old blog posts, and go, "Omigosh, I was so naive then." Or perhaps scoff at my utter dumbness.
It scares me that perhaps one day, I'll open a photo album and cry over old pictures. Or just reminisce about the memories the pictures contain.
It scares me that one day, I'll have to come face to face with life's harsh reality.
It scares me that I'm going to have to deal with friends leaving.
It scares me that one day, I'm going to die.

A lot of things scare me.
It's 11. 26 p.m. now as I type this..
In 34 minutes, it's going to be a new day and another day of my life will be behind me, etched into the headboard of history.

I seem to remember in first grade, I was seven, and I was so innocent. (I still am. Heh. x))
And I seem to remember that it was jsut yesterday that I was thinking, "Hmm, I have my whole life ahead of me..."
And, maybe, I don't know anymore....

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