Okay, so, I had a very weird dream last night.

Here's what I can remember.

For some reason, some of my tennis friends were in this place with lots of beaches. You know, those kind of hotels where they have these stone steps leading down to the beach, and there are small sheds everywhere? yeah, well, this place was something like that.

And for some reason, there were candy machines. I don't know why I dreamed that up.

And yeah, there were palm trees.

And oh yeah, Logan's mum was there.

And...he wasn't.

I don't know, my brain freaks me out sometimes.

So where was Logan?
Well, his mother told someone that he was er...dead and so he couldn't mix with us anymore. You know, the spirits can't mix with normal functioning humans jargon.

And then suddenly, I saw him, but he wasn't real. Even though inside I was saying that no, he wasn't dead, couldn't be, but he didn't seem real, even to me. He was flickering around the edges, like he was some kind of bad-quality movie projected image. Like he was a ghost.
He wasn't smiling, either, and I knew that this wasn't the guy I was so used to seeing. It was like, he was in front of me, and he was there, but he wasn't...really...there.

Strangely enough, only I could see him.

He kept flickering, in and out of focus, and he kept disappearing and reappearing, until I saw him drifting away towards the beach. He didn't say anything, didn't talk to anyone, and I remember that I thought that this was not the Logan I was used to.

Not the one that smiled, not the one that cracked jokes.

I remember I wanted to go after him, to ask him what was wrong, but I couldn't move. I didn't move, and then he was gone, out of sight, lost against the setting sun.

And nobody around me noticed.

I remember texting Ame, Czen and Hui that he was dead, and I think Hui came back with, "Oh, really?"

I forgot what Czen and Ame said, because I woke up.

And that sinking feeling of loss in my stomach hasn't gone away since that waking moment.
Everytime I think of that dream, it comes back, gnaws at me.

It's like I lost something and I can't get it back.

This feels really symbolic.

Seriously.
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